To: All My Friends Who Plan On Roaming The Aisles of The Javits Center Next Week
I know that you think that the annual book convention is a place to meet and greet new and old friends in the industry and to gossip. Please, refrain from doing any of that. You may think that those men in black are here to promote the new movie. But you would be wrong. They are agents from the Department of Justice, sworn to uphold the law (even if they are misguided about what law they are upholding.) If you are walking down the aisle and you spot a friend from a rival publishing company, promptly turnaround and go the other way. If you need to use the loo, please make sure that you first look under the stall doors to make sure there is nobody in there with you. If you must eat in that G-d awful cafeteria down in the basement, please make sure you sit down at an empty table or if you must, only share it with a bookseller and ask them politely to remove the multiple bags of galleys and giveaways on the other chairs. Please don’t gripe about the prices of the cup of coffee at the Starbucks Stand (remove the word price from your vocabulary.)Do not boast about any of your titles on the stand. If you must, talk about the weather or which day you think the Javits Center will turn on the air conditioning. Please refrain from attending any of those BEA parties. If you must, stay away from the cash bars. Loose lips sink ships.
Above all, have fun and have a good show. God Bless America.